At the moment I am on the road–with a guy who prides himself on not planning. I am a planner. A very good planner. When I take charge of something, it gets done–right, on time, under budget…all that.
So far, I have not gone into catatonic shock in this effort to not plan, but I am starting to ask myself some important questions. As in “How much of this trip should I really be doing his way? Am I denying who I am in an effort to “get along?” And the really scary one–“What do I gain by not getting it my way when I don’t?”
Maybe they are questions we all need to ask ourselves every once in a while.
I decided to try “his way” on this trip just to see if I could learn to be more relaxed about how I travel. But this version is a whole lot less relaxing for me. It’s the same issue we have with laundry. He thinks it’s easier to do it when he runs out of clean clothes. I do mine so that I always have clean clothes–which makes life simpler for me. I don’t discover I need a certain pair of jeans washed twenty minutes before I want to put them on.
On a trip, when he doesn’t plan and I don’t plan, we end up checking into a dumpy motel at the end of the day exhausted by what we ended up having to do to get that far. We pay way too much for the lousy lodging. We miss things along the way that we might have liked to see because we didn’t know they were there. We didn’t tag up with friends and family living nearby because we didn’t bring their contact information along. But we do have total flexibility and plenty of room for spontaneity. So it really is a matter of trade offs.
So I guess that’s what I’ve learned this time: This “not planning” is harder, more expensive, and seems to me to net us less interesting days. I’m not in favor of planning every second in advance–or even every day. But thinking more about what might be part of where we are going and checking information about what that would add/subtract just makes for a more refined product–vacation. But that’s me. He’s just in favor of hitting the open road and seeing what happens.
So why are we doing it all his way?
Well…I said I would this time, and that’s a biggie for me. I agreed to do this trip with minimal planning. But there’s more. I have spent two weeks making my own life more stressed for the sake of him having everything the way he likes it–every day. What’s with that? Why am I not admitting what I need and asking for it?
It is with horror that I have to admit that I am still running the old tapes…You know, the ones about the high priority of pleasing your man. Argh!!!!! That is not what I want to do.